What Could Have Been
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: Spoilers for "The Replicator". This is the third time Dave Rossi's lost someone close to him and he's not sure he can do it again. Strauss/Rossi


**I don't own Criminal Minds and never will. No copyright infringement intended.**

_Author's Note_: I really loved the brief glimpses of Strauss/Rossi we got during two season finales, but I wish there had been more. And I'm bitter there wasn't. So I wrote this and I hope you enjoy it!

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Dave was grateful to have his friends and co-workers around him as they reminisced about Erin. He didn't want to be alone, still reeling from her death and his own bout with being drugged. He had tried his best to hide it, but he honestly didn't think anybody was buying it with the way JJ and Garcia kept asking him if he was okay. "I'm going to miss her," he murmured.

"So will we, Dave," Aaron assured him. He smiled encouragingly at his co-worker and hoped it could help a little even though he knew better.

Like he thought, it didn't work but Dave appreciated the effort. "We were together only a year. In the grand scheme of things, that isn't long."

"A lot can happen in a year. She was clean and sober for a year and that's amazing. And I know you helped her with it." JJ hoped that he was listening and actually took this to heart.

"I helped, but I wasn't the one she got sober for. That was herself and the kids." He hoped like hell the kids were going to be fine after this. They had assured him that they believed their mother had stayed sober and it was her murderer's fault she had died like that.

"You were still with her through it all and she knew it." Alex didn't like that he seemed to be blaming himself for this and wasn't listening to them.

Dave scoffed and then looked down at the table. He wasn't sure how much more loss he could take. He had lost his son, Carolyn, and now Erin. How was he supposed to handle that? All of his marriages had failed. "Did you know I never once told her I loved her? I wanted to. I certainly felt it, but I never said it to her ever. I should have."

JJ put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it in support as he looked back up at them. "She knew."

"How do you know that?" How could Erin have known if he had never said the words out loud when he the chance? Even with the line of work they were in, he never thought something like this could happen. Dave had been deadly wrong and now he was regretting it. Aaron had learned this lesson the hard way too and he was starting to wonder how his friend managed to make his relationship with Beth work.

"Because. That's it. I saw the look on her face when she looked at you sometimes and that was definitely love. And she felt the exact same way about you even though you never got around to say it to each other," JJ assured him.

Garcia nodded her head in agreement. "It's true. Besides, like you said, you were there for her. That's something she never would have forgotten."

Morgan suddenly broke out into laughter and everyone turned to stare at him. "Sorry. I just remembered this time a few weeks ago when I ran into her at the grocery store and some random just hit on her. She was harsh when she rejected him and then told him there was someone else in her life, someone much better than he could ever hope to be. And it was you she was talking about. She loved you, man. Don't think she didn't." He was happy that he could help.

Aaron sighed. "You know, we face death every day and I stared it right in the face myself. I had to deal with Haley's death. But I don't think I'm ever going to forget Erin dying in my arms."

Dave sighed. "I'm really thankful that you were there for her and she didn't die alone." He would hate himself even more if that scenario had happened. Having someone there helped just a little.

"You don't have to be thankful, Dave. Really. I'm just glad she didn't die alone either." He just didn't think he could ever scrub Erin's last minutes of life from his mind. It was impossible to do so."

"I should have been there with her. We were going to go back to the hotel together. If I had just been there, that fucker wouldn't have gotten her." Dave was starting to get angry again. He was glad that the explosion had taken the bastard out and now realized how Hotch had reacted the way he did with Foyet after Haley's death. It had been understandable before, but now he felt a different kind of empathy for his friend.

Alex felt a twinge of guilt at that since she had offered her a ride back to the hotel but pushed it down. She had no reason to feel guilty. "I'm sorry, Dave. I guess I should have let you go at it like bunnies back in the hotel room." She figured she might as well go for the joke and lighten up the situation and ease the tension between them. Luckily it worked as the group dissolved into laughter.

"Glad to know you care so much about my sex life." He winked at her and they all laughed again.

It was Reid who spoke up next. "You probably made her life better this past year, a lot better than it could have been. I had Maeve and I miss her so much, but I don't regret the time we spent together. I'll always cherish it. And if you ever need to talk, I'm here."

"So are we," Aaron assured him as everyone else nodded their heads in agreement.

"I appreciate it." Dave really did, but he was starting to lose himself to the grief now that the case was wrapped up and he had nothing to do but think. He didn't think he was ever going to feel this way again after Carolyn's death, but unfortunately he had just been proven wrong. Was it worth it to love someone else again? After the deaths of two women he loved, along with the multiple divorces, Dave wasn't so sure.

He wasn't aware he had spoken out loud until JJ answered him. "It's definitely worth it to love someone again, Dave. Don't give up on it just because you've lost Carolyn and Erin. They'd want you to be happy. Find someone else. I can't guarantee this won't happen again, but you should be happy."

"Don't ever give up on love." Garcia was in horror at the thought of it, but she understood why something like this would break him.

Dave wasn't so convinced but he conceded to their points for now. "It's getting late. How about everyone go home and get some sleep?" He just wanted to go to bed himself, but he wasn't about to tell them that.

Alex fake yawned and everyone else followed suit as they began to leave. However, Dave pulled Alex aside to talk to her. "Erin really regretted what she did to you and your forgiveness meant a lot. I know she still loved you in some way."

She startled at that, having been unaware that he even knew about their short-lived relationship. "Thank you. I felt the same way about her. I'm glad I helped a little bit." Alex turned around and left after giving him a brief hug.

And now he was by himself for the first time in days. But Dave Rossi wasn't alone in his grief because he had his family by his side and that was all that mattered. Erin's death was bringing up all of his issues about Carolyn's death and it was making things even worse. Fuck, he missed both of them so much he wasn't sure what to do with himself.

He'd throw himself into the job even more in the coming days but that was just the way he worked through the pain. And he mourned for what could have been.


End file.
